I am outraged!!!

I just saw a terrible video of babies in Russian hospitals orphans with their mouths taped shut so that the nurses would not be distracted when they cry. http://www.cnn.com/video/player/player.html?url=/video/world/2007/02/02/chance.russia.baby.gagging.reut&wm=11
Some had pacifies taped to their mouths, the nurse on duty explained to the reported, the babies spit the pacifiers out this is the only way to keep them from spitting them out. What if the baby spits up like many babies do??? They will choke and die. It's things like this and times like that I have a hard time ... a hard time believing in a merciful and loving God.
We would have done and did mostly everything we could to have a child of our own. I felt the death of each one of the six separate children I carried. There are times it's still difficult for me to accept it. I suppose that pain will never completely go away. Our first born would have been 4 this year, but instead, they are being taken care of by their aunts, uncles and grand parents. One of these days when I get up there I am going to have a long talk with God so that he can help me to understand this and a few other things. Are we such monsters? I know we would never tape their mouths shut. Did we do something wrong in a past life?